Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
