Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize