i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.