Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful