apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.