we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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