I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.