My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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