You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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