I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
