Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
