I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
