My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
did i just pee glitter
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