I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
