I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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