she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
