so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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