I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
