You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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