I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
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Your cock deserves a montage
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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