the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
