Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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