Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
