He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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