Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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