we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it