I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying