i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.