we're chasing vodka with high fives
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
