But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
