You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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