Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
