o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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