Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
