brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
