so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Come on in and take your pants off
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