So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
