I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
