I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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