That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize