I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
