the condom got lost in my hair
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We're too hungover to prance.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
