I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
