I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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