My nipple is on Facebook.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
