I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize