Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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