So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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