dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
