my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
