Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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