i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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