OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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