Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
3 2 1 whiskey
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
