This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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