I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
