Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
