How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
