OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
