When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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