Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
