his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
