through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
