I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
