can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
