She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
