so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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