$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
