I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
