Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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