I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
