i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
