I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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