He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
