Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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