Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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