Someone shit on the floor
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
