if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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