So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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