I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
