apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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